Her Heart’s Desire

She really wants to cuddle.

She wants to be held in a warm, and loving embrace.

She wants to be told she’s beautiful (even though she already knows she is).

She wants to have numerous nap dates because her and her love both enjoy to relax that much.

She wants to talk about random things and be highly imaginative, and not get judged for it.

She wants to laugh for hours and be genuinely goofy with her love for no absolute reason.

She wants to be mad with her love if he’s mad about something (even if she may think it’s pointless to be mad).

She wants to just be in the company of of her love for no reason at all except for the fact that she simply just wants to be in his presence.

She wants to kiss and be kissed over and over again.

She wants to smile out of pure joy when she looks at him. Not because he’s her sole source of happiness, but because he’s happy and full of joy too. Seeing that gives her energy.

She wants to play video games for hours with her love just because they can and will feel no guilt about doing it.

She wants to go on late night adventures just for the heck of it.

She wants to have meme wars.

She wants her love to understand that her silence in his presence doesn’t mean something is wrong, but in fact everything is so right.

She wants to cruise with the windows down with R&B blasting and just be fully immersed in the moment and enjoying life with him.

She wants to sing and play on her guitar for him.

It doesn’t just stop here, she could go on and on…

But most importantly, she wants to be able to pray with and for him and lift him up. Be there for him as much as she can, when life allows her to.

She wants to love God with him, have a heart on fire for God with him, knowing that God’s got them no matter what happens.

She wants to be in pure, genuine love.

A feeling so liberating and so strong…

Getting Through Things

This isn’t going to be too much of a long post, but more of an opportunity to share how we each deal with and get through the more difficult situations in our lives.

So. How do I deal with things? Full disclosure.

I write. I cry. Buckets. I get angry. I sleep. Way too much. I don’t eat. Why don’t I eat? Because I’m unhappy. I sit in my car and listen to sad music on purpose because they’re so relatable to my life at that moment in time. I distance myself. From everyone. I play way too many video games to distract myself from my sadness. I lock myself in my room. But then…I pray. When all is said and done, I just pray. I begin to think how things could be worse and that I’ve been through so much worse and made it through even worse. I thank God for the issues that I do have. 

And the cycle repeats until I’m okay again. 

It’s not the best way to deal with things, but that’s just my way. 

How do you deal with things?

It’s Critical

I try not to post too much about relationships, more specifically the romantic ones, simply because I could go on and on for days. However, I felt the need to go ahead and do it today. It’ll probably happen again in the future though.

One of the worst feelings in the world is feeling like you don’t matter to the one person you’d think you’d be one of the people that mattered the most to them. It sucks, and it hurts. You might’ve even expressed this feeling to your S/O, but it just appears that these expressed feelings fell on deaf ears. So, what do you do in a situation like this? I certainly don’t have the answer. For myself however, a lot of prayer for understanding and hope that things will change.

Things might’ve gotten this way from an unexpected and an unfortunate chain of events. Whatever the case may be, IT’S CRITICAL, that if you genuinely love and care for the person you’re with, you absolutely must keep expressing and showing that love despite the circumstances of what the current situation is. I’m sure we don’t always feel like doing it, but we have to choose to do it because we so love and care for our S/O. It begins to get tiring if only one person is doing this. The one person putting in all the work might begin to give up and have doubts and reservations about the true feelings of their partner. Other thoughts might begin to circulate through your mind that you just don’t want to be there. They begin to keep you up all night. Then here comes the anger, disappointment. Etc. Etc.

You must never stop chasing the person you’re with. We hear this time and time again. What you did in the beginning must continue on throughout the relationship. Do not get comfortable! If you’re in a relationship with someone, and you find yourself incapable of loving your S/O how you did in the beginning, ask yourself: Was this true love, or an infatuation?

In speaking on this topic, one of my closest friends mentioned this to me. If you’ve been praying and asking God for signs of what you should do:

“Listen to the signs when they are presented. If you feel it’s God, don’t ignore Him. You don’t have to act with haste; if you need a week to just write it out: pros & cons, saying [their] name in the place of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, list out goals and see if [they] can contribute to any of them…DO IT! If [they] have more cons or doesn’t fit into that verse or your plans, you have your answer.

Yes, instead of love doesn’t boast put “[your S/O]” doesn’t boast and so on. The goals and stuff just by how [they] have been treating you, [their] personal qualities and things that you’ve noticed…. see if those are things that can help you or even encourage you to reach the goals you have listed. Like, can you truly see [them] being there and encouraging you on the sidelines as your partner? If one of your goals was to win a Nobel Prize, could you see [them] right there, rooting you on, wiping your tears and telling you, ‘You deserved this!’?”

Do this, and pray. Really pray and wait for an answer from God. But if you’ve been receiving your answers for a while now, you have a decision to make. Everyone who comes into your life are not destined to survive all of your seasons with you.

HOWEVER. If you know without a shadow of a doubt in your heart that it’s just a difficult place you’re both in right now, keep the faith. Become more aware of each other’s feelings. Stop saying what you’re going to do and do it. Get rid of the uncertainties. Reassure your S/O. Learn their love language and begin to speak in it! [Read the book The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman if you don’t know what they are]. The best apology is a change of action for the better. Pray together. Choose love…

But if you can’t bring yourself to do it anymore…let them go.

God bless.

Fed Up

I have been sitting around watching the news, reading various articles, doing some research, etc. on the state of affairs in America and around the world a lot more lately. This most recent incident that happened in Charlottesville is of course one of the biggest events that has the attention of many at this moment. Now, that’s a whole other animal that I don’t want to wrestle with right now because I would be talking on it all day.

HOWEVER. Most of us can agree that what happened there is a result of the White Supremacy in this country getting upset that POC have finally had enough of the BS once again. POC are continuing to show it more and more with each passing day. WS, they’re so mad! It’s honestly making me laugh. They’re throwing tantrums like children, resorting to unnecessary violence because the change in this country has been re-ignited and expedited by people getting fed up from the fact that racism, social injustice and inequality is trying to win (although it never will and never has) because certain groups of people think they can get away with saying and doing whatever because of who is in office and the current administration. ☕️

A lot of those people who’ve grown tired of the mess come from my generation, the infamous Millennials who apparently are “lazy and don’t want to do anything if it’s not going to show instantaneous results”. Look here, if you make us mad enough, things will start to pop off (as seen in recent news coverage). We are TIED (not tired, TIED) of the foolishness. Because we are an entirely different crop of people, nobody can expect us to sit back and just let things slide anymore. You come for us, we will come for you. Plain and simple. We aren’t going to continue to let things just happen. If we do…what’s our future going to look like? We are going to have to deal with the repercussions of whatever the heck is going on in this country. I observe it more and more each day. We have literally had enough.

Nap time is over for us, and we have a whole lot of pent up energy just waiting to explode.

You Know What You Want

You know exactly what you want.

So stop telling that lie, the I-don’t-know-what-I-want lie, to yourself and everyone else.

In my opinion, I feel that we say that we don’t know what we want because we don’t want others to judge that want, whatever it may be. It just all goes back to why does it matter what someone else may think? We know it to be true, people are going to judge you regardless of what you do, what you like, etc. Is it right? Of course not. Why do people do it? I have no clue. You can’t worry about that though. Want what you want and keep it moving.

On the other hand…

What we want isn’t always what’s best for us. I want some cookies right now. Am I going to get some cookies? No. Why? Because I have too much of a sweet tooth and I’m trying to preserve these chompers.

You might be wanting to go on a trip, and you have the money to go. However,  you know if you spend that money, you’ll be putting yourself in an unnecessary situation. That trip isn’t what’s best for you right now.

Or you might be wanting to get back together with someone, but you know they ain’t acting right and they cause you stress to the nth degree and get on your last nerve twenty-four/seven. That person isn’t what’s best for you right now (who knows if they ever will be. This is a type of want we tend to dwell on and find it hard to let go of, but listen. If you have to do it, and you know you need to…DO IT…there’s 7 billion people on this planet and that number is increasing so…)

Or you may be wanting this specific job, and it’s attainable…however through the wrong means. That job may not be what’s best for you right now, and if it’s meant for you, it’ll come about the right way.

But anyway.

These are just a few possible wants some of you may deal with sometimes. It’s perfectly okay to want various things, but you don’t always necessarily have to have them. Be honest with yourself and what you want, that way you’ll be able to assess if it’s something that you need. Why care about what people will think about what you want? That’s your prerogative. Do you boo boo.