Trying to Escape Reality

Mind if I vent for a few minutes? Well, I’m going to anyway since this is, y’ know, my blog. You don’t have to read it, haha. Feel free to do so if you would like.


Take a good look at the title of this post, because this is absolutely what I’ve been trying to do lately. I’m very upset with myself for trying to do so. It wasn’t purposeful though, it was more of an action that I’ve been subconsciously trying to do because of things that happen day to day.

I’m trying to escape reality, and in doing so, I’ve been watching entirely too much anime. The amount I watch, and how fast I watch has increased by a great amount these past 5-6 months. I’m going to be honest here and say that I wish my life could be similar to how the lives of the characters in the shows that I watch are. No, they’re not without strife or anything like that, but they just enjoy their lives so much. They’re so full of energy with literally almost everything. Then there are some characters who aren’t so much like that, but they’re still incredibly interesting. Of course, I know they’re written to be that way. Getting excited over the smallest of things, falling in love/chasing after the ones they love, doing things for others with the most genuine motivation and joy I have ever seen. Call me crazy, but I live vicariously through this. Why? My reality isn’t like that. Maybe I’m too focused on the negatives, meanwhile I’m trying to convince myself I’m focused on the positives. If anyone asked me right now how my life is going and if I’m enjoying it, I’d probably lie and say everything’s great. However, in actuality, I feel there’s a rain cloud of despair hovering over me everywhere I go.

But this is what I do, almost every day: Once I get home from work, I shut myself in my room, turn on the T.V. and my Xbox, and just escape into this false reality I know will never exist because I can’t deal with my own reality. I only come out when it’s time to eat or when I have to use the restroom to freshen up or relieve myself. I’m actually crying typing this up right now guys. Is this what they call depression…?

What about my faith and all that? Believe me, I pray about this a lot. Some days are better than others.

What about my friends? They’re there, I think. I may not talk to or interact with them a lot, but they’re out there.

I’m pretty sure my parents are constantly worried about me, and that’s not fair to them that I’m like this right now. Do therapists really help? I’ve seriously been contemplating going to see one.

But you know the thing about all of this…I shouldn’t be this way. I’m not even sure how I ended up this way. These past 5-6 months, I feel like I kind of snowballed to this point with everything that’s happened. No I’m not going into detail since it’s highly classified personal information.

 

Y’all, when I say I’m a mess right now…I’m not kidding.

Think what you want to of me after reading this, I don’t really care haha. I just didn’t want to keep this bottled up inside, so why not tell the world? Sorry for the sadness though everybody, I’m pretty sure I’ll be all right. Eventually.

Sex is for the Birds…

Until I get married that is!

But, it’s something people talk about on a consistent basis. There’s not a day that goes by where someone isn’t talking about it. As if that’s all people think about. Soon as I open Twitter, if it’s not the first thing I see, I guarantee it’ll be the next tweet on my timeline. Why are people so obsessed with sex, and having it?

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You’re probably sitting there reading this like “Oh, she’s probably never had sex before.”

YOU DANG RIGHT. I’m a virgin, and proud to be one.

Now, I’m not speaking ill about anyone who has had sex or is currently active as we speak, that’s their prerogative, their life, do you boo boo. However, I made a personal decision to not have sex until I am absolutely sure that whatever guy I am in a relationship with is 100% serious about me, a.k.a. we are MARRIED.

No, it’s not some religious thing. I made this decision because 1) there are less headaches, 2) I’m not trying to catch the pregnant yet, and 3) I’m DEFINITELY not trying to catch a STD that some of y’all are passing around out here because you’re not being responsible and GETTING YOURSELF CHECKED…nor admitting that you have something to your sexual partner at the moment…you nasties. Condoms don’t catch everything people!

 
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Also, I always get this question: “What if when you get married, the sex isn’t good?” AS IF THAT’S THE SOLE REASON I’LL MARRY A GUY. Being able to have sex…make pure, genuine love with the love of your life? Honey, that’s a perk. A BLESSING. A blessing I only want to share with only one person. If the love making isn’t all that great at first, he better buckle up because we are going to get better together and LEARN. Like I believe we are supposed to.

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Again, sex is for the birds (until I get married). I absolutely refuse to give my body to any guy unless they have gotten down on one knee and then given me their last name. I REFUSE.

Call me crazy, but this is my resolve.

Now, do I think about what it’s like? Of course I do. There’s no shame in that. I am human. I ask my friends tons of questions because I am curious to know. It’s actually quite fun and interesting to hear them talk about their experiences. However, just because I am curious, doesn’t mean I am going to act on it.

If you’re out there, waiting until you get married too (girls and guys alike), you got this. No one can put pressure on you to do anything if you don’t allow them to.

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But…if you’re out here wildin’ out 😂, best of luck to you, I pray you don’t catch anything, and BE SAFE. There’s too many things going around out here to not be, you dig? Educate yourself and others and ADVOCATE GETTING TESTED REGULARLY. There’s no shame in being in charge of your sexual health.

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Happy Holidays 🙂 LOL.

The Nasty Roommate | #JusticeForJazzy

Okay, I’m sure a lot of us have heard a lot about what happened to this young lady at the University of Hartford in Connecticut. If you haven’t, continue to read on.

I just have to say that I am absolutely appalled by what this girl, Brianna Brochu, did to Chennel Rowe. It was completely unwarranted and DISGUSTING. It makes me upset that hate crimes like this continue to happen in our country. It makes me upset that people think they can just do whatever and get away with it. It makes me upset that a young woman in college would behave in such a way and disrespect another woman like this.

So basically, Brianna was putting moldy food in Chennel’s products, spitting in her coconut oil, shoving Chennel’s toothbrush up her own butt, RUBBING USED TAMPONS ON HER BACKPACK (now see, if she had some kind of disease that could be transferred through blood, this could’ve been super serious), and a lot more. Here’s a link to the video of Chennel explaining everything that happened to her:

The Situation

What’s more…THIS CHILD WENT ON INSTAGRAM AND BRAGGED ABOUT IT…like she wasn’t going to get caught. This whole thing was just dumb, sick and idiotic, and you can’t say it wasn’t.

How can anyone do this and not have a problem or any sense of what the consequences would be? As far as I know, she’s been expelled and charged with multiple crimes. This female was poisoning Chennel, not only with rotten and moldy food, but also with her own body epithelials, substances, whatever you want to call it! She could have killed this girl. I thank God that that did not happen. Ugh, it’s just so gross to even think about it! If I was her, I’d just burn everything. Gotta throw the whole room away now.

I really want to know what made her think that this was okay. Situations like these just continue to shed a light on what hasn’t stopped and appears to be escalating in this country. I can’t stand it.

Jazzy is a good one, and she handled the situation very well.


Y’all. We are out here fighting negative, and harmful mentalities. It’s so difficult to change someone’s mentality, especially if it’s been ingrained in them since they could start understanding what things mean in this world. As difficult as it may be, it’s not impossible.

Listen, if you encounter someone with a mentality like this, don’t just sit there and be quiet, challenge it, because it’s not right.