Confab of Respite

Good morning everyone! I have some GREAT news!

Starting on January 23rd, Blankets of Blessings will be hosting its very first IBD Support Group called the “Confab of Respite”

Registration opens up December 28th! Space will be limited to about 10-12 people, so I highly encourage you to register ASAP, especially if you are living with an IBD condition like myself, you’re friends with someone or have someone in your family that has an IBD condition, or you’re taking care of someone with an IBD condition.

This will be a chance to not only learn more about what we experience on a daily basis, as IBD can sometimes be an invisible illness, but also a chance to learn more about how you can become a part of the “CoR” of Blankets of Blessings!

I’m looking forward to seeing new faces and seeing some familiar ones as well. God Bless and Happy Holidays!

Relationship Hiatus

This post may come as a shock to a lot of you, and quite frankly, to a lot of you…it may not.


Almost three months ago now (sheesh, time really does fly by)…I made a rather difficult and heart wrenching decision to end my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. There’s nothing to speak on about it, I made my decision for reasons that will not be disclosed and it is what it is. I say it was a difficult and heart wrenching decision because, I really do love him, and still do. However, sometimes, things just don’t work out, and that’s all there is to say about that.

I didn’t think I was going to write a blog about my decision, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to blog about it. If you’re looking for me to talk bad about him, then I’m not sorry to disappoint you; none of that will be taking place. In fact, I sincerely hope he is doing well.

Continue to live your life and impact others with your gifts, love and presence that God has blessed you with.

There comes a time when you have to part ways with some people in your life. It’s not because they’ve done anything wrong or you’ve done anything wrong. It’s because the season for you to be with that person (or those friends, etc.) has ended, and it’s time to transition into another one where you take what you’ve learned from the previous and continue to grow. Continue to live your life and impact others with your gifts, love and presence that God has blessed you with. Continue to experience and really go through life, paying attention to the little details that make life worthwhile (especially the details that make the people you love in your life, them).

So, in regards to the title of my post today, I am taking time for myself to do these things I mentioned above. I am taking a Relationship Hiatus.

I have no interest in dating anyone until I decide that I want to do so. I’m disregarding these feelings of lust and loneliness, and praying that God will continue to prepare me for the husband He has set aside for me. I have some things to work on anyway, and one of these things includes not neglecting myself along with my friends and family when I do enter into a relationship again. I’m in the process of taking this time to really focus on myself, my family and friends, and just laugh. Laugh until we cry, laugh for no reason! Uplift, and encourage them (I was doing this before, but I’m going HAM now). Travel! But also, cry with them if we need to and really become reinvested in their lives.

I almost lost myself in my previous relationship, and as a result, couldn’t be the person I was supposed to be transforming into. Since I’ve ended my relationship, I’ve been putting in overtime to work on this, and I’m happy to report that I’m seeing a change take place. My joy has literally returned and I’m one step closer to being the fierce woman I was when I went to Spain by myself two years ago. However, I’m not stopping there. Oh, no. I’m going to be the next best version of that woman I was two years ago. I know I’m going to be this because God has called me to be this and strongly desires me to come into my full potential. How do I know? Like I said…

I can already feel and see it happening. I am LIVING it.

(Besides, I figure as long as I’ve gotten married on the island of St. Croix and have had my two children before I turn 35, I’m along for the ride, haha.)

Though I make these plans for myself, God has a sense of humor. So regardless of these plans, His plan is still the Master Plan. Though you make plans for yourself, and planning is essential since, if you fail to plan you plan to fail, always put your trust and renew your faith in God, and you’ll be amazed at how things will turn around. You are FAVORED!


Much love to you all, as always. 💖 – Bianca

New Year, New Things!

Hello everyone! This is a different post for today only (or maybe it might happen in the future, I’m not sure, haha). I hope everyone’s 2019 has been off to a great start so far. If it hasn’t, I surely do pray that it gets better and remember, it’s only January!

I wanted to share with you all that I’ve decided to try some new things this year, and focus on some things I’ve been more or less neglecting.

The new things I’m getting into are: Modeling and Etsy.

Modeling?!

Yes, I’ve been told many times that I should try out modeling. After looking through numerous pictures that I’ve taken/had taken, I figured, why not? If I don’t like it, I don’t have to keep doing it, right? Besides, I’m still trying to figure out the things I like and don’t like doing, so why not give it a shot. It’ll make for an interesting story later in life, haha.

Etsy!

Yes! I’ve opened up an Etsy shop. I’m finally allowing myself to just create and share my random art pieces that I design with you all (also I’m having a hard time paying off these medical bills from last year. Yay Crohn’s check-ups!) The pricing on my Etsy site is considerably lower than the prices on my website. This is because the items being sold in my Etsy shop are more simple and pre-made, rather than custom designed. When you get a chance, I’d appreciate it if you dropped by to see what I have so far! The inventory is of course limited, since I just opened it three days ago, haha.

If you want to know what other services I provide, also check out the Services tab on my website.

Link to my Etsy


So, what else am I going to be focusing on this year?:

Music/Art, Exercise, Health/Weight Gain/Diet, Sleep…and most importantly, ME!

I didn’t neglect myself as much as I did in 2017, but I still have some work to do. 2018 was still kind of rough, but I made it! I’m going to keep making it. In order to do that, I have to focus on me, what my body is telling me, and so on. I also have to do what makes me happy and fills me with joy, hence the Music/Art bit. I have to make sure I keep my Crohn’s in check, and if I’m not taking care of myself, I can’t be there for myself nor others. So this is my plan. I’m giving it to God, praying for strength and determination. Also praying to get rid of this procrastination and laziness…lol.

There was a podcast I created at the end of 2018 (probably the only “podcast” I’ll create), but I really felt God moving in my spirit and telling me to just stop worrying about things and to trust Him. I thought I was doing that last year, but, SIKE, apparently not. Anyway, I feel and believe great things are going to happen this year. Not only for myself, but for you too. You have to believe that for yourself as well!

If you want to listen to the podcast, 20 minutes in total, I have linked it here.

Thank you all as always for reading, laughing, feeling, loving and crying with me! Here’s to a great year for all of us! God Bless!❤️

2018: The Finale

This morning was absolutely bananas. Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas. Yes.

This morning, I had absolutely one of the WORST panic attacks to this day that I’ve ever experienced. It was debilitating. I honestly thought I was about to leave this Earth. I have never been so scared in my life.

To start the morning off, I didn’t really sleep well, so waking up was interesting since I felt weird. Nonetheless, I got up and started my day. I sat down for a few minutes, breathed in and out slowly and then started praying because, if some craziness were to occur today, I didn’t want it to, for lack of better words, ruin the last day of 2018. So, I took some time to meditate and pray, and I felt better.

Once I got to work, got to my desk and started booting everything up for the day, I started to pack up a device we had to ship out. As I was walking down to the warehouse to drop off the package, I felt the small tinges of a panic attack trying to creep up and mess me up already this morning. As I felt my heart rate begin to increase, I told myself to just keep moving and to not draw attention to myself. I made it to the warehouse, but the package I needed to drop off, I couldn’t drop off since the warehouse was closed. They told me I needed to drop the package off at the front desk for FedEx to pickup.

Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas.

My heart rate still increasing, and as I’m trying to control and focus on my breathing, I make my way to the front desk reception area. Once I opened the door to the front desk area, everything just went awry. Focusing on my breathing worked to no avail. My heart rate now racing exceedingly fast as if Danica Patrick herself was driving it, I threw the package down that I was carrying into one of the waiting area chairs for visitors, flew open the front door and ran outside to the parking lot in the rain. Weakness was taking over my body, yet I still found myself running around the parking lot like a weirdo trying to ward off this panic attack and tell myself that I’m okay.

At this point the rain was steadily increasing, but I didn’t care as it was cooling down my body’s momentarily increased temperature. I pulled out my phone and called my mother since at some point, my vision became a little blurry and I thought I was going to pass out right in the middle of the wet parking lot. Still, though I felt extremely weak, here I was, alone, continuing to run around the parking lot of my work place. Though my 95% of my body was weak, there was an odd strength in my legs. I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.  

As I was talking to my mother on the phone, I was saying to her in a panicked breath, “Gosh, Mom, I know I’m okay because I’m out here, moving around and talking to you. Clearly, I’m fine! But this is the craziest thing, I can’t believe this is happening right now. This would happen on the last day of the year,” as I tried to let out a little laugh. Meanwhile as the call went on, and I’m still walking around, now in circles at this point (like a weirdo), my mom kept telling me how blessed I am, how I made it through so much this year, and that the devil is just trying his hardest to take me out and he can’t seem to do so. Though she was telling me things I already know, it’s different to hear someone else say these things to you. As if it’s an extra reminder. She kept telling me that God has me, and don’t I know it! Finally, this bizarre panic attack thankfully began to subside as I made my way back into the building, now pretty damp from the rain.

Here’s the kicker to this story, and you can’t tell me God isn’t real: Once back inside, I picked up the package I threw down and approached the lady sitting at the front desk window. I began to apologize to her if she had seen me hurriedly throw down the package I was holding and fling open the front door like a madwoman. While I was apologizing to her though, tears started just flowing nonstop. If you know me, I really don’t like crying in front of people at work (though by now it’s happened at least five times, LOL). The lady got up with a quickness, entered the lobby and began hugging me tight and praying, just like that. I had never been so grateful, and I say this because, you never know who shares the same beliefs with you wherever you go. She didn’t know that I shared the same belief in God either, but she didn’t let that stop her.

I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.  

Once she finished praying, as tears still were flowing out of my eyes, she sat me down in the lobby and started talking to me some more. Wouldn’t you know it, she began to speak about things that I have not told anyone at work. Not a soul. Nobody. It’s times like that, that God reminds us that He is VERY real and that He is listening to us, watching us, keeping us and sees every tear that falls. While I’m sitting there once again amazed with God, and she’s just telling me all those things, she reinforced a lot of the things I had been praying heavily about in these past two weeks.

These past two weeks, I mean I have really been praying fervently, and it’s been out of nowhere. I believe that I have felt a shift in my life and a lot of great, wonderful and amazing things are about to take place in which glory will be brought to God’s name as He uses me.

Well this explains that powerful panic attack which I felt was about to take me out, doesn’t it?

Ol’ dude satan basically said, “Oh naw. We can’t have that, now can we?” Well, guess what, BOY (prepare for the corniness):

“I’m living my best life! I ain’t going back and forth with you satan!”


Haha, though this actually did happen this morning, I wanted to share this story with you all as a reminder that, no matter how hard the enemy tries to strike you, as long as you remember that no weapon formed shall prosper, that you are a mighty child of God, and that GOD’S GOT YOU, that everything will be all right. Trust in Him, reignite your Faith and let’s hit the ground running for 2019.


I hope you all have a very Happy New Year! Stay safe, be responsible, pay attention to your surroundings (put that dern phone down) and make good choices if you’re going out to celebrate!!

🎇🎆🎇🎆🎇

Stop Running and Accept

Things really do start to change once you stop running away from the reality of things,  take a step back and accept where you are. First and foremost, your perspective immediately changes. If you don’t accept where you’re at, you won’t change. You’ll remain stuck in the same cycle.


Hello everyone! It’s my first blog post of 2018, woo woo!

I wanted to start this year off by talking about Accepting your Reality. After spending New Year’s Eve with two lovely ladies who are near and dear to my heart, I finally accepted the reality of what my 2017 was and where I am at in my life. After about a hour and a half of crying a river of tears, declaring that things will be different, prayer and hugs, I knew 2018 was not going to at all be like 2017. I felt and knew it in my spirit.

All of 2017, I was in a depression and this was a deep seated depression too. Because I refused to accept why things were going the way they were, I had grown to be comfortable in this depression. I wouldn’t admit it either.

I’m actually horribly insecure about a lot of things, and because of this I was making the mistake last year of looking to my boyfriend to validate me on those insecurities; to tell me I’m not those things I was thinking about myself. When he failed to do that as much as I wanted, everything basically spiraled out of control and I almost got put out of my parents’ home because of my attitude (not going into detail LOL). I was looking to him for so much and I kept getting denied. It was affecting the relationship and I actually sent several break up texts and made a few of those phone calls.

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The absolute most important relationship in my life, my relationship with God, was getting totally neglected because I was looking to a man to validate me. People will fail you, whether they intentionally do it or not, it’s bound to happen several times in our lives. That’s just how we are. God will never fail you though, and I had apparently forgotten that. God already validated me long before I was conceived. He told me I was beautiful, powerful, fearfully and wonderfully made, intelligent, worth it, extraordinary, stunning…He told me all of that! I am all of that because God lives within me, because God made me.

So, how did I end up at a point in my life where I was looking for this guy to tell me all of those things? What happened? I honestly couldn’t tell you. I don’t know when, or why, but it happened and I was on the verge of losing myself…literally losing myself. I stopped eating. I let this guy affect me so much that my appetite would come and go at the drop of a hat. I found myself getting way more angrier than I ever have in my life. I stopped doing the things I loved and stopped being my normal energetic and goofy self. I put my life basically on hold for him by waiting around for him to tell me I’m beautiful and all those other things I mentioned. I began to constantly make myself available for him that I became unavailable to myself and God. A relationship isn’t supposed to be like that…my mom told me that my smile had become virtually nonexistent.

I believe he was trying to help me, along with my friends and family, but they didn’t know how. All they could do is go off of what I was telling them. Remember…other people can’t help you if you’re not willing to help yourself. I mean, they can try to help, but unless you’re ready to help yourself, nothing they do will change a thing. Also, no one can help if you don’t even know what you need help with. That’s why it’s critical to accept where you are and identify what you need to work on. Otherwise it’s going to seem like no one understands you, everyone is against you, and everything is just bad and out of control. 

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Y’all, it was a LONG year.

Quick interjection: Now, I’m not saying he wasn’t telling me I was beautiful or any of those other things at all, don’t get me wrong and start wanting to kill this man. He just wasn’t telling me as much as I would like to hear it. I wanted him to tell me basically to the point where I would believe it myself. He’s a great guy, super great. He’s like a balance to me, kind of like me in a male form but possessing qualities that I lack. I honestly do love this guy.

I’m so grateful to God though because, He never let go of my hand. Once you open up your heart to Him, He’ll never let you go. It’s because I accepted where I was at that I can finally start making changes to improve myself. It’s because I remembered who I was, what I’ve been through, and what I’m capable of that I can get better and continue to grow into the person God wants me to be.

I am strong, I am worth it, I am beautiful, I am extraordinary, I am gentle, I am powerful, I am caring, I am loving, I am intelligent, I am full of God’s everlasting joy, I am wonderful, I am different…

You are too!

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Continue to have faith in God, trust in Him. Have faith in yourself. Accept who you are and change for the better if a change needs to be made. Stay prayed up!

 

LET’S HAVE AN AWESOME YEAR, FAM.