BlerDCon the Recap: Part Two

YER. I see you made it to Part Two. Clearly that means you enjoyed Part One 👀. Welcome back, my dedicated reading friend.

Well, since Part One was mostly comprised of the activities I took part in while at the convention, you already know that the second part is going to be about…THE COOKOUT FAM, AYYYYY.

Every convention I go to, just expect me to mention the litty litness of The Cookout. Cookout Fam Chronicles if you will, haha. There’s a lot of pictures that I took of us, so please, enjoy this lovely slideshow:

ANYWAY.

I already learn so much from everyone day to day in Discord, but it’s on a different level when you see your fam in person actually speaking on their personal experiences, etc. with a passionate tone in their voices. Many of the panels I went to, we mostly ventured

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Genesis speaking da truth

to together and it was astounding to hear everyone’s perspectives up close concerning stories and occurrences happening in our communities.

We basically traveled together in one big and various group pods the entire time, and let me tell you, it was the best thing ever. Sure it’s nice to enjoy something alone, but it’s even better to be able to share a moment with someone and laugh, cry and yes, even debate with them about what you all just witnessed (or overheard, LOL).

My most favorite moments occurred when we were all chilling upstairs in @Genesis_0109 hotel room, just hanging out, playing a card game he introduced us to, and just voicing our different opinions on a myriad of topics. If you fell asleep and got caught slipping, best believe you got sleep cammed by yours truly, LOL.

Yes, I have this thing I do called Sleep Cam: if you fall asleep around me while we are all being extremely loud and having fun, your picture will be taken and most likely with people doing random funny things in the background behind you.

I definitely can’t forget the after parties. WHEW CHILLEEEE. We danced and danced and danced, and I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. The fam gets super hype okay, that’s all I’m going to say on that.

So, about this COSPLAY.

Last but not least: I cosplayed for the first time in my entire life and let me tell you, that was one of the most exhilarating and rewarding experiences I have had in a while. I’m actually getting emotional as I reflect on getting everything together for it. I’m even more emotional because I cosplayed a character of my own original design.

Realizing the fact that I was able to bring her to life, and it wasn’t too shabby looking either? I WAS SHOOK. What made it even better was that a couple people actually chased me down to take a picture with me! I definitely wasn’t expecting that because, even though I was happy that I cosplayed, I was thinking that my cosplay wasn’t as great as some of the others I saw. I honestly had to keep reminding myself that none of that mattered and that I needed to stop comparing myself. At the end of the day, all that mattered was that I cosplayed, I did my best with what I had, I had fun and freaking I enjoyed it! Now I just have to work on my posing, LOL. (Solo photos of me courtesy of @Tru1p)


Right now, I’m tearing up because, this is my family, and in such a short time, these phenomenal individuals have become incredibly important to me and I care about each and every one of them. It’s such a blessing to be able to serve the community as an Admin staff member because I really get a chance to see how our efforts are helping those that come into the community from a granular perspective. Like I mentioned earlier, I learn so much from being around them and hearing their stories. Even though they roast the heck out of me (out of love, LOL), the out pouring of help, support and love I and everyone else receives is incredible. These are some of the most talented, driven, intelligent, hard-working and dedicated people that I’ve come to meet so far in my life. I hate that we all live so far away from each other, but it’s comforting to know that we are all just a Discord message, Voice Chat, Stream or Game Lobby away.

If you’re a PoC Content Creator looking for a group like The Cookout, I definitely recommend you check us out. The group is only accessible through an application, and that is temporarily closed while we process the huge number of applications we’ve received in the past month or so. However, keep up with us on Twitch, Instagram and Twitter!

Special Shout Out to the Cookout Fam I was able to hang with at this convention, y’all are top tier ❤

@blisscreates, @stellyblanca, @SpoonGodTitan, @willthegreatest, @therealrapcritic @LilaBoBina, @Tru1p, @JermainePlays, @vickibewicked, @_LadyKayLee, @DippedNV8Splash, @007Steeze, @_kingether, @DJ_Cocoa_Butter, @CSamSim, @ProdigyDaPrince, @JediOso, @Leesh_Capeesh, @Nizzy917, @Bball4Life35, @frenchiefied, @unicorninthekitchen@RobRegalGxC, @Genesis_0109, @Son_of_a_yellow, @shinageeeexpress, @TheRetroAstro, @dream_killa22, @xStill_Infamous, @skool_the_otaku and @kendallxanime

(Everyone above isn’t necessarily in the Cookout) If I missed you, it wasn’t on purpose. There was a lot of y’all in two days LOL.


Thank you again for reading Part Two of my BlerDCon Recap! There will be an actual vlog of the activities coming soon, once I find time to sit down and edit!

BlerDCon the Recap: Part One

Not that I don’t mind blowing up everyone’s Twitter and/or Instagram mentions with tags, replies, etc., AND WOULD DEFINITELY DO IT WITHOUT HESITATION… I figured I’d type up an article (paired with a vlog, soon come) of my experience at my first Blerdcon this past weekend instead, because, whew chile I have a lot to say.

I truly don’t even know where to begin. I suppose I’ll first talk about the activities I attended! I probably am going to split this into two parts.

Aside from the blazing heat at the Hyatt Regency in Crystal City (LOL), I was in AWE from the moment I walked into the hotel.

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Repping our North Carolina Area Codes

This time, having my sister (@Bball4Life35) AND brother (@dream_killa22) in tow, we not only went on our first “family” road trip, but we also got to experience a world that we really are mostly cut off from back in our hometowns. I’m glad that I was able to take them with me, and that we were immersed in this adventure together. It’s definitely a memory we will always cherish!

BlerDCon was nothing short of magical. It was a multi-level, action packed weekend, with everyone absolutely living their best lives with no ragrets (not even one letter). I was able to participate in my first Maid Cafe!

That food was AMAZING. It was just as fun as it’s portrayed in Anime, haha. For the first time in my life I tried soba noodles. Not to mention, one of my good friends from college (@treezyspeakeasy) was actually a maid (Her maid name was Michiko)! It was super awesome to see another one of my friends enjoying the same type of interest as myself. The rest of the Maid Cafe staff were super hospitable too. Since I went to the Cafe alone (I high key was wandering and forgot to tell my fam that I ended up there, LOL), they sat and talked with me the entire time which I really appreciated.

We also visited a few panels. To name a few: It Really Be Your Own People: Gatekeeping the Black Experience, D.I.Y. Sci-Fi Filmmaking and discussion on the Culture of Black Twitter.

It Really Be Your Own People: Gatekeeping the Black Experience was an insightful IMG_0829.jpegdiscussion because it drew light to the fact that, whether we mean to or not…we all gatekeep at some point.

  • If you’re unsure of what “Gatekeeping” means, it’s referring to making someone feel as though they can’t enjoy a hobby, show, book, series, etc. because they don’t necessarily have as much knowledge as you do on the respective topic. Basically making them feel as though they don’t have a right to enjoy whatever it is they’re trying to enjoy because they don’t know all the backstories. Miss me with that.

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I, along with many other people, have witnessed this happening on various social medias, and it’s honestly disgusting and pointless. Just let someone enjoy whatever it is they’re trying to enjoy (as long as it’s not illegal or very wrong, yikes).

The D.I.Y. Sci-Fi Filmmaking panel I came in at the end of (because I was putting on my cosplay, huehuehue). However, for the little bit that I could listen in on, I thoroughly IMG_0842.jpegenjoyed it and probably will soon be getting back into learning more about Premiere Pro and After Effects since I have access to them for now! My takeaway from this panel was that you can do a lot with a little, and you’re really only limited by your imagination.

The discussion on the Culture of Black Twitter, led by one of my super totally awesome brilliant friends Lila (@LilaBoBina), and two other women making some power moves outchea, Tanya (@cypheroftyr) and Shonté (@ShonteWrites),

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Tanya, Shonté and Lila

IMG_0990highlighted how Black Twitter means a lot of different things for everyone. They also discussed how much society takes ideas from Black Twitter and tries to market it back to the rest of the world as if it was their original idea. They especially are privy to doing this without giving credit to the people that they stole from.

Quirktastic, the group who hosted Quirkcon back in June, also collaborated on a video with another group called TeamRedPro to make a live action short film called Afro Samurai Champloo. Y’all. This had to be one of the best and most hilarious short films I’ve seen in a while! The blooper reel definitely had me rolling at the end, ahaha.

Among the other things, I was able to attend a little bit of the comedy show and peek in on some of the table top gaming they had going on as well. I can’t forget the PLETHORA of extraordinary vendors that seemed to never end! Oh, and don’t get me started on the Food Trucks, WHEW CHILE.

I also SHOOK ESTELLE’S HAND, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Haha, well, I think this is a good stopping point for BlerDCon the Recap: Part One. If you would like to read Part Two, stay tuned. If not, that ain’t no problem! I definitely do appreciate you taking the time to read Part One! Be Blessed fam!


Also, I want to just say that everyone, no matter which con you go to…everyone should experience a con. More specifically a comic, gaming, anime, etc. type con. It’s an incredible adventure that I believe would bring out the inner kid in all of us.

More pics from the convention:

Relationship Hiatus

This post may come as a shock to a lot of you, and quite frankly, to a lot of you…it may not.


Almost three months ago now (sheesh, time really does fly by)…I made a rather difficult and heart wrenching decision to end my relationship with my boyfriend of two years. There’s nothing to speak on about it, I made my decision for reasons that will not be disclosed and it is what it is. I say it was a difficult and heart wrenching decision because, I really do love him, and still do. However, sometimes, things just don’t work out, and that’s all there is to say about that.

I didn’t think I was going to write a blog about my decision, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to blog about it. If you’re looking for me to talk bad about him, then I’m not sorry to disappoint you; none of that will be taking place. In fact, I sincerely hope he is doing well.

Continue to live your life and impact others with your gifts, love and presence that God has blessed you with.

There comes a time when you have to part ways with some people in your life. It’s not because they’ve done anything wrong or you’ve done anything wrong. It’s because the season for you to be with that person (or those friends, etc.) has ended, and it’s time to transition into another one where you take what you’ve learned from the previous and continue to grow. Continue to live your life and impact others with your gifts, love and presence that God has blessed you with. Continue to experience and really go through life, paying attention to the little details that make life worthwhile (especially the details that make the people you love in your life, them).

So, in regards to the title of my post today, I am taking time for myself to do these things I mentioned above. I am taking a Relationship Hiatus.

I have no interest in dating anyone until I decide that I want to do so. I’m disregarding these feelings of lust and loneliness, and praying that God will continue to prepare me for the husband He has set aside for me. I have some things to work on anyway, and one of these things includes not neglecting myself along with my friends and family when I do enter into a relationship again. I’m in the process of taking this time to really focus on myself, my family and friends, and just laugh. Laugh until we cry, laugh for no reason! Uplift, and encourage them (I was doing this before, but I’m going HAM now). Travel! But also, cry with them if we need to and really become reinvested in their lives.

I almost lost myself in my previous relationship, and as a result, couldn’t be the person I was supposed to be transforming into. Since I’ve ended my relationship, I’ve been putting in overtime to work on this, and I’m happy to report that I’m seeing a change take place. My joy has literally returned and I’m one step closer to being the fierce woman I was when I went to Spain by myself two years ago. However, I’m not stopping there. Oh, no. I’m going to be the next best version of that woman I was two years ago. I know I’m going to be this because God has called me to be this and strongly desires me to come into my full potential. How do I know? Like I said…

I can already feel and see it happening. I am LIVING it.

(Besides, I figure as long as I’ve gotten married on the island of St. Croix and have had my two children before I turn 35, I’m along for the ride, haha.)

Though I make these plans for myself, God has a sense of humor. So regardless of these plans, His plan is still the Master Plan. Though you make plans for yourself, and planning is essential since, if you fail to plan you plan to fail, always put your trust and renew your faith in God, and you’ll be amazed at how things will turn around. You are FAVORED!


Much love to you all, as always. 💖 – Bianca

New Year, New Things!

Hello everyone! This is a different post for today only (or maybe it might happen in the future, I’m not sure, haha). I hope everyone’s 2019 has been off to a great start so far. If it hasn’t, I surely do pray that it gets better and remember, it’s only January!

I wanted to share with you all that I’ve decided to try some new things this year, and focus on some things I’ve been more or less neglecting.

The new things I’m getting into are: Modeling and Etsy.

Modeling?!

Yes, I’ve been told many times that I should try out modeling. After looking through numerous pictures that I’ve taken/had taken, I figured, why not? If I don’t like it, I don’t have to keep doing it, right? Besides, I’m still trying to figure out the things I like and don’t like doing, so why not give it a shot. It’ll make for an interesting story later in life, haha.

Etsy!

Yes! I’ve opened up an Etsy shop. I’m finally allowing myself to just create and share my random art pieces that I design with you all (also I’m having a hard time paying off these medical bills from last year. Yay Crohn’s check-ups!) The pricing on my Etsy site is considerably lower than the prices on my website. This is because the items being sold in my Etsy shop are more simple and pre-made, rather than custom designed. When you get a chance, I’d appreciate it if you dropped by to see what I have so far! The inventory is of course limited, since I just opened it three days ago, haha.

If you want to know what other services I provide, also check out the Services tab on my website.

Link to my Etsy


So, what else am I going to be focusing on this year?:

Music/Art, Exercise, Health/Weight Gain/Diet, Sleep…and most importantly, ME!

I didn’t neglect myself as much as I did in 2017, but I still have some work to do. 2018 was still kind of rough, but I made it! I’m going to keep making it. In order to do that, I have to focus on me, what my body is telling me, and so on. I also have to do what makes me happy and fills me with joy, hence the Music/Art bit. I have to make sure I keep my Crohn’s in check, and if I’m not taking care of myself, I can’t be there for myself nor others. So this is my plan. I’m giving it to God, praying for strength and determination. Also praying to get rid of this procrastination and laziness…lol.

There was a podcast I created at the end of 2018 (probably the only “podcast” I’ll create), but I really felt God moving in my spirit and telling me to just stop worrying about things and to trust Him. I thought I was doing that last year, but, SIKE, apparently not. Anyway, I feel and believe great things are going to happen this year. Not only for myself, but for you too. You have to believe that for yourself as well!

If you want to listen to the podcast, 20 minutes in total, I have linked it here.

Thank you all as always for reading, laughing, feeling, loving and crying with me! Here’s to a great year for all of us! God Bless!❤️

2018: The Finale

This morning was absolutely bananas. Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas. Yes.

This morning, I had absolutely one of the WORST panic attacks to this day that I’ve ever experienced. It was debilitating. I honestly thought I was about to leave this Earth. I have never been so scared in my life.

To start the morning off, I didn’t really sleep well, so waking up was interesting since I felt weird. Nonetheless, I got up and started my day. I sat down for a few minutes, breathed in and out slowly and then started praying because, if some craziness were to occur today, I didn’t want it to, for lack of better words, ruin the last day of 2018. So, I took some time to meditate and pray, and I felt better.

Once I got to work, got to my desk and started booting everything up for the day, I started to pack up a device we had to ship out. As I was walking down to the warehouse to drop off the package, I felt the small tinges of a panic attack trying to creep up and mess me up already this morning. As I felt my heart rate begin to increase, I told myself to just keep moving and to not draw attention to myself. I made it to the warehouse, but the package I needed to drop off, I couldn’t drop off since the warehouse was closed. They told me I needed to drop the package off at the front desk for FedEx to pickup.

Not the good kind. I’m talking about rotten bananas.

My heart rate still increasing, and as I’m trying to control and focus on my breathing, I make my way to the front desk reception area. Once I opened the door to the front desk area, everything just went awry. Focusing on my breathing worked to no avail. My heart rate now racing exceedingly fast as if Danica Patrick herself was driving it, I threw the package down that I was carrying into one of the waiting area chairs for visitors, flew open the front door and ran outside to the parking lot in the rain. Weakness was taking over my body, yet I still found myself running around the parking lot like a weirdo trying to ward off this panic attack and tell myself that I’m okay.

At this point the rain was steadily increasing, but I didn’t care as it was cooling down my body’s momentarily increased temperature. I pulled out my phone and called my mother since at some point, my vision became a little blurry and I thought I was going to pass out right in the middle of the wet parking lot. Still, though I felt extremely weak, here I was, alone, continuing to run around the parking lot of my work place. Though my 95% of my body was weak, there was an odd strength in my legs. I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.  

As I was talking to my mother on the phone, I was saying to her in a panicked breath, “Gosh, Mom, I know I’m okay because I’m out here, moving around and talking to you. Clearly, I’m fine! But this is the craziest thing, I can’t believe this is happening right now. This would happen on the last day of the year,” as I tried to let out a little laugh. Meanwhile as the call went on, and I’m still walking around, now in circles at this point (like a weirdo), my mom kept telling me how blessed I am, how I made it through so much this year, and that the devil is just trying his hardest to take me out and he can’t seem to do so. Though she was telling me things I already know, it’s different to hear someone else say these things to you. As if it’s an extra reminder. She kept telling me that God has me, and don’t I know it! Finally, this bizarre panic attack thankfully began to subside as I made my way back into the building, now pretty damp from the rain.

Here’s the kicker to this story, and you can’t tell me God isn’t real: Once back inside, I picked up the package I threw down and approached the lady sitting at the front desk window. I began to apologize to her if she had seen me hurriedly throw down the package I was holding and fling open the front door like a madwoman. While I was apologizing to her though, tears started just flowing nonstop. If you know me, I really don’t like crying in front of people at work (though by now it’s happened at least five times, LOL). The lady got up with a quickness, entered the lobby and began hugging me tight and praying, just like that. I had never been so grateful, and I say this because, you never know who shares the same beliefs with you wherever you go. She didn’t know that I shared the same belief in God either, but she didn’t let that stop her.

I kid you not, I felt like someone was holding me up and refused to let me fall.  

Once she finished praying, as tears still were flowing out of my eyes, she sat me down in the lobby and started talking to me some more. Wouldn’t you know it, she began to speak about things that I have not told anyone at work. Not a soul. Nobody. It’s times like that, that God reminds us that He is VERY real and that He is listening to us, watching us, keeping us and sees every tear that falls. While I’m sitting there once again amazed with God, and she’s just telling me all those things, she reinforced a lot of the things I had been praying heavily about in these past two weeks.

These past two weeks, I mean I have really been praying fervently, and it’s been out of nowhere. I believe that I have felt a shift in my life and a lot of great, wonderful and amazing things are about to take place in which glory will be brought to God’s name as He uses me.

Well this explains that powerful panic attack which I felt was about to take me out, doesn’t it?

Ol’ dude satan basically said, “Oh naw. We can’t have that, now can we?” Well, guess what, BOY (prepare for the corniness):

“I’m living my best life! I ain’t going back and forth with you satan!”


Haha, though this actually did happen this morning, I wanted to share this story with you all as a reminder that, no matter how hard the enemy tries to strike you, as long as you remember that no weapon formed shall prosper, that you are a mighty child of God, and that GOD’S GOT YOU, that everything will be all right. Trust in Him, reignite your Faith and let’s hit the ground running for 2019.


I hope you all have a very Happy New Year! Stay safe, be responsible, pay attention to your surroundings (put that dern phone down) and make good choices if you’re going out to celebrate!!

🎇🎆🎇🎆🎇

Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak

No, really, ask yourself. Are you honestly a good listener?

I’ll be honest and say that I’m not. BUT. I am making an effort to change that. I’ve already seen a difference in the conversations I have with my friends and family, and even random people who decide to share things with me.


Someone quipped, “God gave us two ears and one mouth because we need to listen twice as much as we talk.” Learning that means being “quick to listen, slow to speak.” Good listening builds relationships. But good listeners aren’t born, they’re bred! So here are a few suggestions to improve your listening:

  1. Listen without interrupting: Resist the temptation to jump in and finish the sentence, or hijack the floor. Rein yourself in – just listen.
  2. Listen to understand: Try to understand their point of view, feelings, thinking and needs. Good listening is hearing what they actually think, mean or feel, not what you imagine they do. Instead of guessing, ask, “Am I understanding you correctly? Do you mean…? Are you feeling…?” In other words, don’t assumeverify.
  3. Listen without judging: Don’t rush to conclusions. If what they say doesn’t quite add up, keep listening. “He who answers a matter before he hears it, it is folly and shame to him” (Proverbs 18:13). When you hear more, it may make sense.
  4. Listen without correcting, countering or devaluing: Saying, “That’s not the way it was,” or “What did you expect? If you hadn’t…” or, “You’re just being too sensitive,” (in other words, getting defensive, straight up attacking or “flipping the script” before letting the person finish), puts people on guard and stops real communication. We know this to be true, as we’ve all experienced it. How many times has this happened and you just started to shut down because you couldn’t even get what you had to say out before the other person or people jutted in? It doesn’t make anyone feel good, and it can incite anger.
  5. Validate the speaker: Accept their perceptions and feelings as valid expressions of a valued person. “If I understand you correctly, you’re thinking…feeling…Am I right?” Ask them to help get you on the same page with them. Everyone understands things and thinks differently, so you have to be aware of that. “Given what you’ve told me, I can see why you’d feel what you feel,” is very validating and will increase their confidence and willingness to consider the solutions you may offer.

 

– From: The Word for you Today: A Gift for You (with some personal bits from yours truly added in)

Be Sure to Spend Time With God

I know that as we go throughout our busy days, we many times forget to sit down and give thanks to God for the many blessings He bestows upon us as we go throughout our busy days.

Why is it that we can devote so much time to all these various things that stress us out, disappoint us, anger us, etc., but we struggle with spending time with God who relieves all of that stress, anger and disappointment? It’s very backwards. It does not make sense. It frustrates me, especially because there’s really no excuse for why I don’t spend time with Him. The extended amounts of time that I can sleep or play video games for…I could be spending time with God. The extended amounts of time that I spend worrying about things beyond my control…I could be spending time with God.

I used to pray every morning before I left for work. I fell off. However, that alone just isn’t enough. God deserves so much more than that from me! Especially the way I’ve been getting blessed recently? I should be running through the hallways at work, at home, where ever I go. I should be praise breaking all OVER the place.

Yet…I don’t.

Why?

There’s numerous distractions, numerous illegitimate reasons that I could come up with as to why I don’t spend time with God. It’s ridiculous really. It’s ridiculous because, do you think God sits back and says “Oh, I didn’t have time to bless you or forgive you because I was too busy and distracted with something else, but I’ll get around to it.” No! He absolutely, DOES NOT do that. Do you know how bad things would be if that happened? We would be S.O.L., on steroids. No, but instead I imagine God shakes His head at us daily, probably saying “my children, my children, what will I ever do with you”, but still continues to love us and bless us REGARDLESS of our actions. Oh yes, and let’s not forget, He’s teaching us lessons in the process. God will not hesitate to break us down first in order to teach us a valuable lesson about not being humble, not spending enough time with Him, etc. God gets jealous, just like our boyfriends or girlfriends or husbands or wives, or even our FRIENDS do when we don’t make a point of spending time with them.

I get it though, I get it. We can’t see God. We can’t see Jesus. Out of sight, out of mind right? If we aren’t interacting with something physically every day, it’s easy to forget about whatever that something may be. We’re human. That’s bound to happen. However, it. is. not. an. excuse! I have to do better. WE have to do better. God has done way too much for us, for us not to sit down, thank Him, spend time with Him, tell Him about our day, give Him praise for simply being who He is and taking care of us, EVERY DAY.

How you spend time with God is how you spend time with God. There’s no special technique or method you’re supposed to do. What matters is the strength of your relationship with Him. Imagine, all the time you spend being angry or worrying about something beyond your control, all that time could be time you’re spending with the One who created you. It’s one of the best times too because you can cry and let things out and not be judged, you can laugh with God (yes, contrary to popular belief, God has a sense of humor), you can even vent your frustrations! He will listen to every single word you have to say. You just have to patient, quiet and listen to what He has to say about everything.

Also keep in mind, just because you’re improving your relationship with God, doesn’t mean your life will be without hardship. If life was easy, we wouldn’t grow. We wouldn’t need God. God is there for us. God is our strength when we become weak and can’t fathom how we will continue living life. Let God fight the toughest parts of your battles for you. Don’t try to do everything on your own. It won’t feel good and everything will spin out of control, and we don’t want that.

 

Corinne

Corinne Bailey Rae! My absolute favorite artist (other than Michael Jackson) to walk this planet.

She’s not a new artist on the scene, she’s been producing some bops since 2005 (I believe, starting with Like A Star). If you haven’t listened to her yet, here’s one of my favorite songs by her:

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6iibMNsSRCE?rel=0]

I’m writing a little bit about her today because I listen to her music often, and I listen because I relate to most of it. Also, her voice is so pure and genuine and it just puts you at ease and fills you with joy at the same time. Not to mention, she’s absolutely gorgeous!

Corinne Bailey Rae, a British singer/songwriter, provides that connection in her music that we a lot of times don’t have the chance to experience with the music that’s being produced today. Her most recent album was published in 2016, and it’s titled The Heart Speaks in Whispers. 

However, this is not a short artist biography.

I was watching an interview that she had with The Pool , a 10-minute interview, and she talked about the loss of her husband, what it was like to come back to music after that and her most recent album. She talked about a few different things as well, like things she enjoyed, having an inner voice, etc. As I was sitting there watching I just kept thinking: Wow, this girl is so amazing! As she was talking, I really did see myself in her a lot, especially when it came to the creative parts.

Anyway, my point in saying all this is: she is a really powerful woman, and such an inspiration to me. She’s worth listening to and learning about for sure. She’s the reason I started playing guitar and the first song I learned to play real well is in fact Like A Star.

Go and give her a listen! I’m sure you won’t regret it.

Be Fair, Be Honest

As one of my favorite Youtubers sWooZie says: “Concentrate on solutions, not on problems.”

COSNOP!


You know when you think you’re doing the right thing by someone, but in actuality you’re doing the wrong thing by someone, and you don’t realize it until it’s too late, or there’s been an insurmountable amount of damage done that you just don’t know how to go about fixing it and correcting your actions in a timely manner?

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Yeaaah…I really screwed the pooch (inside joke) with this one guys. In a moment of self-disclosure, I’m speaking about my romantic relationship. When it comes to my boyfriend, I think about many different ways that I can make him happy. One way I thought I would make him happy is by telling him I’m okay with him doing certain things, even though in reality I definitely, absolutely and positively was NOT okay. I said I was okay, I suppose thinking that he somehow would be able to read my mind (and through a text message at that), and see that I wasn’t okay with whatever it was. Because I said I was okay, he could only go by what I told him, right? So as a result, since y’know, he definitely can’t read my mind, I got upset with him…because he didn’t read my mind (stupid, right?). I mean, I got REALLY upset. I turned into a whole jerk and it was not pretty. And no, I didn’t start throwing hands.

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Because it wasn’t the first time something like this happened, it almost completely destroyed our relationship. I swear he must be thinking “You have GOT to be kidding me. Really? You’re doing this again? Really?” You would think I would learn from the first time, but no. I also have this problem where I can be a bit self-centered at times, thus causing me to miss an important lesson. Another thing,  I am quick to argue (for a euphemism, debate), and I nag and nag and nag, when I should just get off things. But what do I do? I stay on it. Which makes things worse for absolutely NO REASON. Sounds crazy right? Why am I the way that I am?

I feel so incredibly bad about how I am because I really love this guy. I mean, not just love, I am in love with this guy. After reading Erica‘s post entitled My Real Life Jim Halpert, I was able to also say that my boyfriend is my Jim Halpert. Legit, like seriously (although we don’t actually work together lolol). He may drive me crazy and get on my nerves sometimes, but, like my dad, he can make me smile even when I have fire shooting out of my eyes. I’m not saying my world would come to an end if he decided to stop being with me, but I’d be pretty freaking devastated. A lot of people don’t understand our relationship, and it’s not really something I can explain. But, he makes me happy, he keeps me balanced. He prays for me. He takes care of me. He’s incredibly genuine. Super intelligent and creative. He’s also really goofy, and I swear, every time he smiles I get this warm feeling. His smile is a brilliant ray of sunshine.

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Quite frankly…sometimes I feel that I don’t deserve him. With the s**t I put him through with expecting him to read my mind, and then blowing up when he doesn’t, I don’t deserve him. It’s not fair to him. It’s not fair to anyone. It’s not even fair to me. I’m shortchanging not only him, but also myself as well. He’s going to continue to think that things are okay when they really aren’t and that’s not his fault. It’s mine. Now, it’s not like I’m out here blatantly not even trying to get better about being honest about how I’m feeling. For some reason, sometimes I think it’s best not to be honest to save face, but it’s not really helping anything in the long run.

When you’re not upfront about how you’re feeling about different situations and then you get mad at the other person for not understanding, it’s not anyone’s fault but your own. You’re only breeding hate and resentment for the other person, and it’s not even valid. You can’t go through life like that, you can’t expect to maintain and grow in any of your relationships behaving like that. So when you’re called out on your BS, learn from it, do better and prosper! If not, have fun in the sunken place, fam.

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Okay, no, don’t do that. No sunken place. Just do better, period. Be as fair as you possibly can. Also, remember people, it’s okay to be selfish sometimes! Always putting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s happiness before yours isn’t the right thing to do. Love isn’t always about compromising either, it’s about having mutual respect for one another. If there’s a need to compromise, after being honest about how you felt about something your boyfriend or girlfriend did, both of you need to benefit. There shouldn’t be a loss.  As one of my best friends just told me, my solution is to just talk and be honest about how I’m feeling. What’s so difficult about that? Nothing. Nothing at all. Gosh, Bianca, get yourself together woman. If you’re like me, and you can’t hide your emotions because your face is a whole nark, when someone asks you what’s wrong…my gosh, you better tell them. When someone asks you what’s wrong period, and there’s actually something wrong…TELL THEM.

That is all.

B.e.l.i.e.v.e.

via Daily Prompt: Believe

B is for…B – Oh, hey that’s me!

E is for…my middle name which shall not be disclosed.

L is for…Lazy – That’s what I am on the weekends (80% of the time)

I is for…I can’t seem to gain weight as fast as I want to right now. Yay, metabolisms! (Don’t be tricked, I love my small figure.)

E is for…Everybody love everybody.

V is for…Vacation. I haven’t been on one of those in forever. How does one vacation?

E is for…….”Everything I’m not, made me everything I am.”

I don’t know what that had to do with the post, but I finessed it, so there you go. Before I slide off this post for today, I have a few things left to say [bars] *gets on soapbox*:

I believe in me.

I believe in you.

I believe in family.

I believe in trust.

I believe in laughter.

I believe in naps.

I believe in those perfect napping positions.

I believe in hugs.

I believe in juice.

I believe in warm blankets.

I believe in anime.

I believe in those random almost forgotten memories that bring a smile to my face.

I believe in forgiveness.

I believe in pain.

I believe in healing.

I believe in bouncing the heck back from anything life may try to throw at us. The devil is a lie!

“I believe in you and me.”

“I believe that we will be.”

I believe in God.

I believe in love.

I believe that this is the end of this post.

Believe